Adventures at Bob's Discount Furniture

2:35 AM

It’s the third week of school, and I have officially reverted to being almost entirely nocturnal.

Full disclosure: I did just look up how to spell “nocturnal”. As a senior in college, am I proud of that fact? No. But hey…at least…

I got nothing.

I’m not even just awake now. I am ENERGIZED. I want to read a book. Climb a mountain. See the world. I have the potential to be so productive right now, but I really feel I have an obligation to this very important blog and my very dedicated readers. So, basically, you’re welcome.

I don’t know why I’m up. Either I had too much coffee today or I have the circadian rhythm of a potato that couldn’t keep time to save it’s life.

Actually…isn’t there a science experiment where you use a potato as a battery to power a clock? So, technically, that means that a potato CAN keep accurate time. Which means that my circadian rhythm is worse than that of a potato. Great. Glad we are dreaming big. Living large.

What an eventful three weeks of school it has been so far! I went to Bob’s Discount Furniture Store at the end of the first week which was very exciting.

That sounds like sarcasm, but I promise it isn’t. Hear me out.

This adventure to Bob’s Discount Furniture was exciting for a variety of reasons:

Reason 1: Have you ever been to a furniture store by yourself? TERRIFYING. I can’t explain why.

(“Um actually…if you don’t this blog will be really boring for everyone to read—“

“RICHARD SO HELP ME it is a FIGURE OF SPEECH! I was going to continue, and now you totally ruined the timing—“

“Sorry about that—“

“You really need to stop doing that.”)

So sorry. Where was I?

Oh yes! When you walk into a furniture store alone you have this weird feeling that you are both invading someone else’s house without them knowing and that you are in a museum where you might actually be able to understand the art. There are so many other people in there that are all hovering in areas that look like rooms so you feel like you are invading and they are touching the museum pieces which we all know is like rule #1 of what not to do when you go to the museum but this weird house party you have crashed that has this array of strangely decorated rooms has people touching all the displays and then you remind yourself that this is a store and this is how it happens. It really is all a thrill ride.

Some people ride rollercoasters. I go to Bob’s Discount Furniture.

Reason #2 for it being exciting is the reason that I was there in the first place. So, I have been sleeping on a mattress on the ground in my room for a bit under a year. It was very exciting. I loved it and I felt like I was in a cave…

(“But a cave would have a roof”

“RICHARD!”_

…But then, on the horrifying night before my adventure to Bob’s Discount Furniture (and yes I will be saying “Bob’s Discount Furniture” every time I reference Bob’s Discount Furniture) there was a gigantic bug CREATURE on my bed. And I say CREATURE because it was TERRIFYING. And, like the calm, centered, reasonable individual I am, I screamed and panicked. But did the bug wither up and die? Did it apologize and ask for the directions to the nearest “anywhere from here?” NO. It crawled UNDER MY BED. Which, for a bed on the ground IS JUST BASICALLY STILL ON MY BED. But did I let the bug win?

Yes. Yes, I did. 100% no question. The victory went to the bug.

I grabbed my things and slept upstairs on the couch. When the morning came I, using the same logic and reason as before, emptied my entire room, finally found the bug, murdered it, and drove thirty minutes to get to the nearest Bob’s Discount Furniture to get a bed frame.

So yes, thanks to the bug creature thing, my bed is no longer on the ground. However, it turns out that every time I get on my bed the mattress falls through the bed frame so, actually, my mattress is currently being supported by a metal makeup box and a pair of rain boots.

But I mean, it’s improvement!

And reason #3 is that, and this, in my humble opinion, is the best reason. Be sure to get up your hopes REALLY high, get ready, here it comes, the reason is that (I just feel like lists should have at least three items because anything less than that really isn’t a list but I don’t have anything else to say so if you’d like to take a moment here and pretend that I said something really cool I feel like it would make this experience more enjoyable for all of us great thanks)

WOW! I know RIGHT? What a WILD item 3 for this list. What a winner.

Alright, I should go and at least pretend I’m going to get something resembling the rough outline of sleep tonight. There will be more to come soon!

Good Night and Good Morning

-Carly